yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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