I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I fill condoms, not promises.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
