i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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