Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
