Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
