So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
