I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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