I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
