I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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