Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
