i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
COCAINE IS GR8
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
