My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
