Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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