I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
