You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
