my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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