So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
