your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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