I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize