There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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