just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize