I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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