New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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