I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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