Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
