I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
