Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
