About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
now i know why i became what i already was.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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