Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i've created a new STD.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
