i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
