I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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