She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
honey bunches of taint.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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