You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I could fuck to npr.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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