can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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