Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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