I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
