I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
