I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
