i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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