Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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