I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
