So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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