I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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