ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
