is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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