you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
