May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
