oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize