hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need water and some morals
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
