that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
