So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
