you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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