3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
