he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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