last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
