great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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