This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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