Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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