after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
