where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How external is "for external use only"?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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