Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
