why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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