you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
