Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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