Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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