well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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