Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
