my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
