The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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