Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
