just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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