Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
